To date or not to date... that is the question!!

So, for those of you who are newly separated, or still waiting for your divorce to be finalised, this question is aimed at you.  Have you dated since your spouse has left?  Do you feel you are ready?  Should you?  This is a question I really can not answer, and quite honestly is something that I have pondered a lot myself lately. If we look into God's word, I know we can find some answers.  Although, some of you may not like what you are going to find.  Please don't shoot the messenger, I am just passing along what the Father is showing me.

I truly believe that this is an issue that you must bring before the Father.  Only He can tell you what is the right thing to do.  And only His Spirit can convict you on the things you are struggling with.  There are many situational scenarios that make this question even harder, like:

~ Did your spouse cheat
~ Are you separated
~ Are you divorced
~ Has your spouse been living with another person while separated
~ Has your spouse remarried
~ Has your spouse passed away since the separation/divorce
~ and I am sure that there are many other things to consider also.  It's just late and my brain is not firing on all engines!!

Again, I cannot tell you what the right answer is, I only know what I feel is right for me.  Never stop seeking the Lord for your answers.  He may seem like He's not listening, but indeed my friend He is and He is working behind the scenes for your best interest.  Perhaps He's even readying your next spouse!!  God bless you all, and keep your focus on Christ.  He won't steer you wrong.

Pastor Dana-Renee

Feeling Left Behind?

Does it ever feel like you have been left behind?  That life is moving on without you?  Have you often felt, since your spouse left, that you have been missing out on something?  I will admit that at first I did think I was missing out on so much, but as time went on, I realised that what I was missing was the kind of love that only comes from our Heavenly Father.  Everything else is merely trivial.

I was sitting at home this morning, reading through my Facebook news feed and read comment after comment from a few of my pastor friends and the conferences they would be attending this weekend and I will admit that I was bummed.  I totally felt "out of the loop" and remembering the good times of old when I used to attend all of those same conferences and really felt as though I was missing out.  Missing out on what you say?  I am not even sure... I just felt like "being in the loop" seemed like such a better place to be!  And it is...but it depends on Who's Loop You Are In!!  However, God was working behind the scenes in a way that I could not have ever imagined.

This very same weekend is a conference being held at my home church.  A dear friend made a way for both my mother and I to attend.  We enjoyed a wonderful roast beef dinner and a wonderfully anointed word from the Lord.  So here I was all day, bummed about something I had no control over and with my human eyes, I only saw what I thought I was missing.  Which in all actually the only thing I would have probably been missing was a lot of sleep!!  Lol.

I know you have heard this a million times over your lifetime, but you never know just what God is doing behind the scenes in your life.  He's a big God, with a huge heart and He only wants the very best for you.  Before I was... I was.  He knew me before I born on this physical earth, and He will know me long after.

Let Me Rediscover You...

A couple of weeks ago, I was introduced to a song and a band that I had never heard of before, even amongst my circle of friends.  The song is "Let Me Rediscover You" by the Christian band DOWNHERE.  I am going to include the link along with the lyrics and my blog posting for this month.  I pray that it blesses you as it has me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3O0BfTOkGK8

LET ME REDISCOVER YOU

by: Downhere

Your spirit hovers over my waters
Your love burns longer than the sun
The skies of thunder echo Your wonder
Your praises can't be over - sung

The whole Universe is witness
To only a part of what You've done
So let me rediscover You
And breathe in me Your life anew
Tell me of the God I never knew
Oh, let me rediscover You

You see my weakness, my pride, my blindness
You wield your power through them all
Of all the mysteries, still, the greatest to me 
Is that You're faithful when I fall

How can I say I know You
When what I know is still so small?
Let me rediscover You and breathe in me Your life anew

Tell me of the God I never knew
And, let me rediscover You

Let me cry "holy, holy, holy"
Let me awaken to Your majesty
And see a glimmer of Your glory
Let me abide in You

Let me rediscover You
And by Your grace I'll follow through
Reveal to me the God I thought I knew

Let me rediscover You
And breathe in me Your life anew
Tell me of the God I never knew
And let me rediscover You

Oh, let me rediscover You
Tell me of the God I never knew
Jesus, let me rediscover You.

There are so many things in this song that I would love to talk about today... but alas I will try to keep it simple and to the point.  How many of us think we know who God is?  What His love is all about?  Did you hear a few Sunday school stories in your childhood that you can vaguely recall?  Does His fire burn deep within you? "How can I say I know You, when what I know is still so small.." 

There is the God I thought I knew, and there is the God I know.  Rediscover Him, and let Him rediscover you.  That my friends is my prayer for you this day!!

Pastor Dana-Renee

The Stages of Loss- Stage #1 Denial

Loss, it is one of the most painful emotions we can go through.  Especially when it is someone close to us, that we love.  It is even more devastating, some would say, when we know that the one we have lost doesn't see it as loss at all.  They may have already moved on and "won" the failed marriage battle with a new spouse.  That is a pill that can be very hard to swallow.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross came up with the "Five Stages of Grief" while doing research for "On Death and Dying".   We will be taking a brief overview of the five stages today and delve a bit deeper in upcoming blogs.  While I do believe that it is important for most people to walk through all five stages of the grief process, there is no telling how long; and some may even say in what order; you will go through them.  However, when you have the power of Christ in your life... it can be a whole other ball game.  (In a good way, and I will get to this later... keep posted!!)

So what are the "Five Stages of Grief" that Kubler-Ross authored?  Well... they are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally Acceptance.  And as stated above, there is really no set amount of time that one should or should not spend time in.  It is important to remember that every person and every situation is different, and no two people will experience the exact same emotions.  Although many will be similar, especially in the area of separation and divorce.

Denial is not just the name of a river in Egypt, or so I have been told!  I think that some may have different names for this stage, such as shock, disbelief, or disallowance of reality.  Anyway you look at it however, it still can be summed up as denial, or failure to believe what is actually happening.  This can be seen several different ways to the outside onlooker.  Some see the subject as being non-sensical, delusional, out of touch with reality, but it really just comes down to a form of coping mechanism.  Sometimes people don't know how to process grief, whether intentional or not most of us can't bear the pain of losing the love of someone we cared for deeply.

Many people think that divorce is just something that happens every day.  Something that happens to an average of 40% of Canadians (71,000 people) per year as of 2012 (Feldstein Family Law Group).  They figure since death is the ultimate goodbye in life, that somehow divorce can't possibly bring about the same type of emotions experienced in death.  However, if that is what you are saying, you will have many who will disagree with you.  It is quite often thought that divorce grief is even greater than that of death.  The reality that your spouse no longer loves you and is moving on with life is a tough hill to climb.  Most are too weary and not up for the challenge... some never reach the summit.

Being in a state of denial is a survival mechanism.  We may mindlessly find ourselves going through the motions of our life, feeling numb during the process.  It is a natural response to loss and it said to be natures way of helping us pace our feelings of grief.  It is thought that by letting in a little at a time is the body's coping mechanism from keeping us from breaking down completely.

During this stage we may start to question the situation, our spouse, ourselves.  What part did we play?  How did this all come about? Why me? All of this questioning is unknowingly helping us begin the healing process, and as we do so it means that we are slowly moving out of the denial stage and into something completely different.  While we are thinking a little more clearly, some of the things that we are thinking about can bring about an entirely new set of complications... anger management, or lack there of.  Anger to say the least, and that my friends is a whole other bag of nuts.

I mentioned above that there are exceptions to every rule, and if you stay tuned in the following weeks and look for "My Story", I believe that you will see what the wonderful working power of the Lord can do in your life during this tumultuous time.

So what can you do today?  How can you deal with these feelings today?  Give them to God... surrender all of your hurt, your pain and your questions to God.  Look to Him for your healing and in His wings you will find it (Mal.4:2).  Take courage my friends... you really are on the way to an entirely new life, a better one!

That is my prayer for you this day.  Blessings,
Pastor Dana-Renee

Friendships

Friendship is one of the greatest gifts we are given from God.  Not only can we have a friendship relationship with our Heavenly Father, we are also given earthly friends along the way to help us with our journey.  You have read in my previous blogs how important friendship can be during this tumultuous time in your life.  And that's my topic for today.

I have made a few really good friends since my husband left me, although unfortunately we all met because we found ourselves in the same separation and divorce boat.  One of my dear friends Ken is like a big brother to me.  He is also teasing me and teaching me with his tough love.  But like a big brother he challenges me because I believe as a friend he cares for me, and he wants to see me grow and get through this time with  a little less bruising.

When I am feeling down, unworthy, unloved and utterly alone, Ken is always there to kick my butt and slap me atop the head, which always seems to bring me back to reality.  I have told him time and time again that sometimes his button pushing irks me to the highest... so he told me to get rid of the buttons and wear zippers instead.  At first I laughed about it and told him I would, but later that night, I really thought about that.  If I didn't allow buttons to be pushed, they wouldn't be.  

I have to renew my mind daily and mentally choose to think on positive and heavenly things. Our Father gave us so many promises in His Word that there should never be a need for us to feel down.  But I know you are  saying, "But I still feel alone and heart broken, even though I know God's promises and I know He loves me", and I hear you.  I asked those questions all the time, and sometimes still do.  As human beings we were made to be with others.  That is why God fashioned Eve from Adam.  He did not think it was good for man to be alone.  However, the Father desires that same relationship with us.  He yearns that we turn to Him for everything.  We are to "cast all of our cares upon Him, for He careth for you" (1 Pet. 5:7).  He wants us to talk to Him, cry out to Him, find healing in Him.  He wants our friendship.

Once we are able to establish that relationship with Christ, I honestly believe we are healthy and ready to take on new relationships with friends and renew old ones.  If we don't have things right with God and have Him heal those wounds of our heart...we will never find what we are looking for in another human being.  Only God can heal those wounds and only God can fill you with the joy and peace that you are so earnestly looking for.

Having said that, I do believe that it's a good idea to get a great circle of friends around you.  During this kind of loss, family may act differently to what you expect them to.  Instead of rallying together for you, they tend to pull away.  They are not sure what to say to you, how to "handle" you.  When someones spouse dies there are always lots of people around to comfort you and offer you kind words of encouragement.  When your spouse leaves, so do most of your friends.  They don't know what to say to you, and tend to feel like the need to walk on eggshells around you.

Many feel alienated from friends and family during this time.  Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines alienation  as "a withdrawing or separation of a person or a person's affections from a position of former attachment."  In separation and divorce, you are not only alienated from your former mate, but also from relatives, friends and sometimes even the church.

A lot of friends leave for many reasons, but the most hurtful is because some of them secretly think that you were to blame for the failure of your marriage.  I tell many of my friends all the time to watch what they tell people, because most don' t care and the rest just use it as the next topic at their weekly "gossip" sessions.    And don't kid yourself... there are plenty a Christian man AND woman willing to talk behind your back and wonder what really went wrong.  Pay those kind of friends no attention.  Don't get me wrong though, there are many friends who ARE willing to lend a shoulder!!

Surround yourself with like minded people.  Surround yourself with people who know what you are going through, because no one knows the kind of hurt, devastation and loss that comes along with a divorce.      Surround yourself with family who want to help you, friends who want to help you.  The kind of friends who edify you and kick your butt when you want to wallow in self pity.

I may have joked about the way my friend Ken pushes my buttons, but I know he does it because he cares, and he only wants me to make it through this to the joy at the other side.  I am thankful for my friends and help fight the feelings of alienation and isolation by including them in my healing process.  I pray that God sends you a wonderful group of friends to help you through this trying time!

Many blessings,
Pastor Dana-Renee

The Pits in Life

Feel like the pits?  Feel like you fallen into one?  Feel like you are never going to make it out of that pit alive?

You are not the first person!

When I was interning as a children's pastor while in Brockville, we sang a VBS song that still sticks with me to this day.  The song was called "Let's go from the Pit to the Palace".  And that my friends is the topic I would like to speak to you about today.

Let's take a look at the story of Joseph and glean from the pages of our Heavenly Father's Word to learn all that we can about what it is really like to feel like the pits!  Joseph was literally thrown into a pit by his brothers, leaving his own father to believe him for dead.  Joseph was given a dream destiny, so how could this have happened?  We will look at that a bit further ahead.  For right now, I want to focus on how we seem to get ourselves into these pits.

Why as Christians do we often find ourselves in pits?  I believe that it's because we live in a sinful world.  They are the by product of a fallen world.  Jesus says in John 16:33, "In the world you will have tribulation".  Some pits are just a part of life.  You didn't ask to be thrown into one, but because we live in a world that is corrupt with sin, it is a side effect of that consequence.

You have heard me say that playing the blame game is helpful to no one, except maybe when we can take ownership of our own actions.  It is the same when we are trying to figure out a reason as to why we have fallen into this pit in life.  It didn't happen by mistake... God doesn't make mistakes.  Time to suck it up butter cup... we made a wrong turn somewhere!

We have to understand the reason we are in this place is because of the problems within our own heart.  Joseph had envious brothers who wanted him dead and that is why they threw him in the pit and a lot of you could say that it was their fault that he found himself there.  However, that is not the case.  Joseph was being tested and due to his pride he found himself in the pit.  You may feel as though all is lost when you find yourself in a pit, but if you call out to God, He will restore you.

When you fall into a pit, the enemy is quickly there to feed your mind with lies.  Lies that will make you feel belittled, unworthy, hopeless, unloved and not wanted.  He will be there at all times trying to prove to you that you are right where you ought to be.  He will even use the Lord as tool to bring you down.  He will try and tell you that God has forgotten about your, or left you.  But we know that is not true for the word of God tells us that He will never leave us or forsake us (Heb. 13:5).  He will tell you that God no longer cares about you, loves you, or wants you to step out of this pit.  Don't believe these lies, as that is all that they are.  Find your identity in Christ and call out to the Lord with humility of heart and you will be restored.  We are commanded to resist him (James 4:7).  What a good God we serve!

One thing to remember also is that the enemy even uses evidence to convince us of his lies.  That is how Joseph's father came to believe that his son was dead.  When Joseph's brothers threw him in the pit, they took his precious coat of colours, soaked it with animal blood and brought it back to his father.  So with the coat and the lies of his brothers, the enemy was able to plant seeds of doubt and lies so that his father would believe Joseph was killed by animals.  The enemy is not stupid, he knows how our fears work and how best to prey on them.  Be careful of your words, not only man can use them against you!!

One thing you must understand is that there is a huge difference from the conviction of the Holy Spirit and the accusatory nature of satan.  Conviction comes from the Lord, He does not accuse.  It gives us hope, not despair.

Every single one of us may fall into a pit at some point in our lives.  The question we must answer is are we going to allow ourselves to stay there and die, or pick up our cross and walk daily?  We are destined to go from "the pit to the palace", who would think a simple children's song could hold such truths??  What a creative and loving God we have!!

Blessings,

Pastor Dana-Renee

*Personal study notes and devotions from Roger Morris

Friendship and Loving...

Just a short note for you all today... just something that is weighing heavily on my heart.

Sometimes in life there are things I just don't understand. More often than not, I am confused about the way people act, or don't act for that matter. Life and loving should not be so hard. We are commanded to do it! Sometimes you just want to bless someone, but it's like they don't want the hassle. Which one of us is really at the point where they are so loved they couldn't stand anymore?? I doubt anyone. Friendships are a blessing, and when someone offers it, who are we to turn it away? I pray that I never get to that point. I'll take all the love I can get!

Did that really just happen?

So your spouse just informed you that they are leaving and/or they want a divorce.  What now?  Did that really just happen?  I had no clue!  What do I do know?  What's going to happen to me?

Sound familiar?  Words I asked or said to myself a dozen times during the moments that those words were spouting out of my husbands mouth.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  In a flash my world had gone from perfect to pointless.  Or so it seemed at the time.

There are times in life we can never prepare ourselves for and this is one of those times.  Whether you knew something was coming, or it hit you sideways like a Mack Truck... the pain is the same none the less.  There is no greater pain than losing someone you love.  Feelings of anxiety, anger, depression, disbelief, fear and doubt are just a few that you will use to describe the situation over the next couple of months, while trying to figure out where it all went wrong.  BUT, let me stop you right there.  While I do feel that we must go through the stages of grieving to fully heal from this kind of loss, we must not let our emotions take over.

A friend of mine always tells me not to trust my "feelings" and no I don't mean my gut feelings, but rather my emotions.  Yes we are to grieve when we lose someone we loved so dearly... but only for a time.  We have to mentally choose to take the "higher road" so to speak when the enemy tries to fill our  minds with lies.  And believe you me, he will try his hardest to destroy you during this time.  He has you just where he wants you.  However, we have a God who is bigger, better and brighter than that of the peon Satan.

For those of you who know renowned Christian author/speaker Joyce Meyer, a book you must make yourself read is "The Battlefield of the Mind".  We have to consciously decide to take captive of our thoughts and ask Christ to transform our mind to His likeness.  In her book Joyce teaches how to deal with the thousands of thoughts that people think every day, and instead teaches us how to focus on the way God thinks.   It's a powerful lesson in renewing our minds... but it takes some getting used to.  It is human nature to automatically focus on the negative first... why is that?  With Christ living within us, we have the power to overcome anything.  With God all things are possible, and while it may not seem so right now, this too shall pass.

So did that really just happen?  Yes my lovely brothers and sisters, it happens every day.  Instead of looking for the why, or a person to blame, look to Christ and the life changing power that He alone holds.  Don't blame yourself for something you "might" have contributed to the failing of the marriage, as that is now in the past, all you can do now is move forward.  The reality is no one likes divorce, and I am sure that it absolutely breaks the heart of God.  However, it has happened and it's now your reality.

Although there seems to be no peace in your life at the moment, invite Christ in and allow Him to heal the hurts of your heart.  Stand up and face this new journey in your life for what it is... a new journey.  Allow the God of peace and love flood your spirit with His presence, you will become a new creation.  And you might just ask yourself... "Did that just really happen?"

Has Anger Got You Seeing Red??

So you think you are over it (the separation, the divorce and/or the ex) when out of the blue (or should I say red) anger rears its ugly head.  You are mad, frustrated and undoubtedly upset.  You are not alone, I sometimes find myself there as well.  Some of the time I am not even sure what I am really upset about.  However, the anger rises up like a Phoenix, wanting to just break free from the thoughts in my mind, transforming itself into words actually coming out of my mouth.  I have to take my thoughts captive and lay them before the Lord if I plan on making it through the day without biting someones head off.  I have peace only after I have stopped and taken the time to ask the Lord to help me make it through those moments,

Taking captive of your thoughts isn't always as easy as it sounds.  I mean don't we have the right to be upset?  To be angry that our happily ever after isn't forever after all?  Shouldn't we be allowed to be angry and hurt and wallow in our own self pity?  Well my first answer to you is yes... but only for a time.  We all know Kubler-Ross' 5 stages of grief, Anger being one of them.  To fully and completely heal, I believe we must go through each of those stages.  Though our sorrow may last for the night, His joy comes in the morning!!  And praise His name for it!

When we allow ourselves to focus on the things that we "did wrong" or "didn't" do to make our marriage work, we can drive ourselves crazy.  In some cases, as in mine, there was nothing I could do or say to make my husband stay.  If someone doesn't love you enough to stick around, there is nothing you can do or say that can ever make them change their mind.  In most cases they have already made up their mind.  When we allow ourselves to focus on the bad that has gone on in our lives, it is no wonder we are angry.  We are angry at the world, at ourselves, our friends and yes... even God.  How could He allow this to happen?

Anger is a tricky beast because it can cause so many emotions within us that sometimes we didn't even know existed.  We think differently when we are angry, we act differently and even say things we wouldn't normally  say when we allow anger to take over.  And if any of you are like me, you end up feeling guilty afterwards for feeling that way in the first place.  It can set you on a spin cycle of depression.

Have you really sat down and faced the anger within you?  Have you asked yourself what is really going on deeper inside?  Have you talked to God about this?  Have you brought this situation before Him and laid them at His feet?  If you do, you will not regret it.  Cast your cares upon Him, for He careth for you!!  My prayer for each of you is this... it may sound so cliche, but here goes... Learn to let go, and let God!

Pastor Dana-Renee

What is Love??

So it's that time of year again... Valentine's Day.  Ugghh!  Chocolates, roses, romance and diamonds.  We are rarely reminded as blatantly as we are on Valentine's that we are utterly alone.  It's commercialism at its best.  We are taught from childhood that the size of your gift on Valentine's determines how much your spouse really loves you.  Isn't that right ladies?  Lol.  Well pooey on that...is all I have to say ... well maybe I have a bit more to say.  Lol.  

Coined as the most romantic day of the year it goes without saying that it truly must be... lol.  Many this Valentine's Day will spend it depressed and alone.  Heart broken that they have no one special to share it with.  Pull  up your socks friends... it's only a day, and only a small 24 hour window out of a year filled with other even more memorable days.

According to the association for single people (is there really an association for this stuff??... Lol) 82 million people are unmarried as of 2010 in the USA. In Canada our 2006 census noted that since the first time since 1871 single family homes outnumbered wedded ones.  That's 51.5% of Canadian homes considered to be single family.  So if you think you are all alone this Valentine's... you aren't the only ones.

If you are looking, there are many sites out there offering tips to help you get through this holiday without too much bruising to that little heart of yours.  Many tout tips to help you "survive" the day, and others will claim to help you speedily get over your ex by following a few simple steps.  This article however, is not one of those sites.

Sure I can tell you to send flowers to your office from yourself, or should I say "secret admirer"?  Take a spa day, a bubble bath, or pin your ex's photo to a dart board.  Take your pick.  They won't get to the root of the problem.  When was the last time you perused the pages of 1 Corinthians 13?  You are pining for love, but do you even really know what love is?  Let's take a look.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails" (v. 4-7).  

Wow, now that is a couple of verses packed with some punch!  Read them again and let each of the words sink deep into your heart and soul.  Love is from God, it is honest and pure.  It can be about agape (sacrificial love), phileo (brotherly love) or eros (passionate love).  Which ever one you are talking about, they all come from our Heavenly Father.

Verse 13 goes on to say that "and now these three remain; faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love".  

Ephesians 4:2 "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient bearing with one another in love"... "husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church" (v. 5:25).

1 John 3:16-18  "This is how we know what love is:  Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.  And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.  If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity in him, how can the love of God be in him?  Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and truth."

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him shall have eternal life".

Are we capable of loving another as Christ has asked us to love?  Do we love our neighbours as much as we love ourselves?  Can we love our spouse as Christ loved the church that He died for her?  Perhaps these are some of the questions we should be asking ourselves this Valentine's Day instead of "Dear God, why am I still feeling so heart broken and alone?"

Realize that Valentine's Day is just that... a day, just like any other.  Just because you might be spending it without that special someone, it in no way diminishes who you are as a person or makes you any less desirable.  You must first be comfortable in your own skin and accept yourself for who you are all by yourself.  Learn to love yourself... it's one of the greatest loves of all.  However, as long as you have the Love of your Heavenly Father, you will never be truly alone.

Circle of Friends

So, when going through the tough times in life, it's certainly a blessing to know that we have friends and family out there to lean on.  In my case, it's more friends as most of my family has not experienced divorce.  However, through such programs as DivorceCare and a few others, I have a great circle of friends that I would like to introduce you to.

The first is a gent I went to Bible College with.  He writes a blog on Divorce in a Face Book Age, and has posted a recent article interviewing hosts of a DivorceCare group.  The link to Dwayne's blog is: 
http://dwaynejamieson.com

Another really great friend of mine, Ken North has agreed to allow me to post something on his behalf.  I pray this blesses you all, and stay tuned, because Ken plans on creating his own blog some time soon!!

What, my marriage is over??   Thank you!

How fortunate we are in the western world to avoid pain.  No, not all of us have had that privilege in our lives, but for so many of us, pain is foreign.  Yet in most of the world, pain is a common occurrence.  Unfortunately we do ourselves a disservice running from pain.  It is so new to most of us that we use what ever emotional escapism to run the other way;  alcohol, drugs, sex, quick new relationships, relocating, suicide, and many others.  It is all escapism.  Fleshly emotional coping mechanisms rather that running to Christ.

Utter devastation best describes the place I was at when I discovered the woman I passionately loved chose to leave our marriage.  This past year and a half or so have dealt me pain like I have never experienced.  Lows that I never want to experienced again, and wouldn't wish on anyone.  Yet Jesus has blessed my with so much, one being this huge truth ... be thankful.  The night I discovered my marriage was over, I found myself pacing an empty parking lot in town with tears flowing like never before.  Yet deep in me I had been given this truth of thankfulness, and I verbally said "thank you Jesus" over and over again.  Did I feel thankful?  No.  But I was, and yet not understanding it at all.

Christ has brought me this crucial scripture.  Romans 8:28 which says "all things work for good for those who love Him"  Although some may find this amusing, the plain truth of the matter is I had the Oxford Dictionary on my beside table and on more than one occasion looked up the simple word 'all'.

Lets face it, there is not a lot of wiggle room in 'all'.  So, yes, 'all' included my personal pain through the act of my marriage collapsing.  So tell me,  how can I possibly answer you upon the so often asked question "how are you doing?"    The plain fact of anyone walking in Jesus, is that we are doing 'good', if not great.  That is the absolute truth.  I am not responding to my emotions, because quite frankly I 'feel' tough.  Some hours more tough than words can describe. But that does not deny the truth that I am doing good.  Why?  Because 'all things work for good for those who love Christ".  And I do,  I do love Christ, and therefore my marital collapse to the woman I loved so much, is working for good! Christ IS my life, and I live from that.  Am I not being real by telling you that I am going great?  Absolutely not!  The fact is, my emotions DO NOT give me my identity, they are just how I respond  to what is going in my head.  Christ is my identity, first and for most.

There are two very important lies which must be pointed out.  First of all, divorce is not something God wants, actually the very opposite.  He hates it. But Romans 8:28 does not say 'all things are good', no, it clearly says 'all things work for good'.  My heavenly father did not orchestrate this divorce, this is a result of sin, mine and hers.  We both are accountable.  But just because God did not orchestrate this does not deny that he won't use this tragedy for His glory and for His Grace.

Secondly, and this lie is deceptive.  So many have said to me how great it is that I can see some good come out of this.  Quite frankly that is a load of ... you know what.  Why?  Because if I buy into the lie that there is something good that comes out of this then the converse of this is that there is also much bad that comes out of this.  Let's look at Romans 8:28. 'all things work for good, ...."  The plain fact is that my divorce is working for good, period.  I accept my pain, I accept how crazy hard my life is, but I will never ever deny my Christ and the plain fact that through all these emotions, my divorce is working for good, for I love Christ.  But what about my kids??  Look at all the things they are hurt by and will forever bear the emotional scar in their lives of our separating ways.  Yes this is true, but it is not a bad thing.  Absolutely not., because they too know Christ and love Him,  therefore this divorce of their parents is working for good in their lives as well.  It just doesn't 'feel' good to look at it this way.  But I am not talking about how we feel about this, only about the facts that our Father teaches us.

On another note I have been told it is great that I look at this part of my life with the glass half full, or that it is great that I am so positive, or that I am taking the high road.  Again the cold truth of the matter is that all those statements are not of Jesus.  All those statements place the responsibility on me, that there is something that I am doing.  The only thing that I am doing is 'abiding' in Christ, and responding to His Grace. The fact of the matter is that I am in Jesus and He is in me, and I am only looking at my life through the Holy Spirit.  This is His strength, and His love that is seen by others regardless of how they word it.

We celebrate birthdays, we celebrate graduations, we celebrate anniversaries, all the outward seemingly 'good' things in life, but we don't celebrate the hardship we experience.  I think we have this all wrong.  Why not celebrate it.  The day my separation agreement was finalised I shed many a tear.  But I also went out grabbed a couple of coffees and, although maybe surprising to some, bought some cake.  I hung out with my buddy Mike and celebrated by eating cake.  Did it feel like a celebration?  Of course not, but how could I possibly not say 'thank you' to Christ for this occasion, after all He was working this for good.

As I leave you contemplating what Christ has shown me, let me leave you with another powerful verse.  First Thessalonians 5:16 tells us to "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."  I'm sorry, what was that word again?   Yes, reads 'all', ans in all circumstances.

Ephesians 5:20  Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-9  Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

So having a great circle of friends is a must during this trying time.  People who know what you are going through and who can be there to lend an ear is a tremendous blessing.  Even though you may feel like shutting people out at this time... please don't.  Friends and family can be your greatest joy during this time of sorrow!  Blessings to you all and stay tuned for my next posting.

Pastor Dana-Renee