Friendship is one of the greatest gifts we are given from God. Not only can we have a friendship relationship with our Heavenly Father, we are also given earthly friends along the way to help us with our journey. You have read in my previous blogs how important friendship can be during this tumultuous time in your life. And that's my topic for today.
I have made a few really good friends since my husband left me, although unfortunately we all met because we found ourselves in the same separation and divorce boat. One of my dear friends Ken is like a big brother to me. He is also teasing me and teaching me with his tough love. But like a big brother he challenges me because I believe as a friend he cares for me, and he wants to see me grow and get through this time with a little less bruising.
When I am feeling down, unworthy, unloved and utterly alone, Ken is always there to kick my butt and slap me atop the head, which always seems to bring me back to reality. I have told him time and time again that sometimes his button pushing irks me to the highest... so he told me to get rid of the buttons and wear zippers instead. At first I laughed about it and told him I would, but later that night, I really thought about that. If I didn't allow buttons to be pushed, they wouldn't be.
I have to renew my mind daily and mentally choose to think on positive and heavenly things. Our Father gave us so many promises in His Word that there should never be a need for us to feel down. But I know you are saying, "But I still feel alone and heart broken, even though I know God's promises and I know He loves me", and I hear you. I asked those questions all the time, and sometimes still do. As human beings we were made to be with others. That is why God fashioned Eve from Adam. He did not think it was good for man to be alone. However, the Father desires that same relationship with us. He yearns that we turn to Him for everything. We are to "cast all of our cares upon Him, for He careth for you" (1 Pet. 5:7). He wants us to talk to Him, cry out to Him, find healing in Him. He wants our friendship.
Once we are able to establish that relationship with Christ, I honestly believe we are healthy and ready to take on new relationships with friends and renew old ones. If we don't have things right with God and have Him heal those wounds of our heart...we will never find what we are looking for in another human being. Only God can heal those wounds and only God can fill you with the joy and peace that you are so earnestly looking for.
Having said that, I do believe that it's a good idea to get a great circle of friends around you. During this kind of loss, family may act differently to what you expect them to. Instead of rallying together for you, they tend to pull away. They are not sure what to say to you, how to "handle" you. When someones spouse dies there are always lots of people around to comfort you and offer you kind words of encouragement. When your spouse leaves, so do most of your friends. They don't know what to say to you, and tend to feel like the need to walk on eggshells around you.
Many feel alienated from friends and family during this time. Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines alienation as "a withdrawing or separation of a person or a person's affections from a position of former attachment." In separation and divorce, you are not only alienated from your former mate, but also from relatives, friends and sometimes even the church.
A lot of friends leave for many reasons, but the most hurtful is because some of them secretly think that you were to blame for the failure of your marriage. I tell many of my friends all the time to watch what they tell people, because most don' t care and the rest just use it as the next topic at their weekly "gossip" sessions. And don't kid yourself... there are plenty a Christian man AND woman willing to talk behind your back and wonder what really went wrong. Pay those kind of friends no attention. Don't get me wrong though, there are many friends who ARE willing to lend a shoulder!!
Surround yourself with like minded people. Surround yourself with people who know what you are going through, because no one knows the kind of hurt, devastation and loss that comes along with a divorce. Surround yourself with family who want to help you, friends who want to help you. The kind of friends who edify you and kick your butt when you want to wallow in self pity.
I may have joked about the way my friend Ken pushes my buttons, but I know he does it because he cares, and he only wants me to make it through this to the joy at the other side. I am thankful for my friends and help fight the feelings of alienation and isolation by including them in my healing process. I pray that God sends you a wonderful group of friends to help you through this trying time!
Many blessings,
Pastor Dana-Renee
Having said that, I do believe that it's a good idea to get a great circle of friends around you. During this kind of loss, family may act differently to what you expect them to. Instead of rallying together for you, they tend to pull away. They are not sure what to say to you, how to "handle" you. When someones spouse dies there are always lots of people around to comfort you and offer you kind words of encouragement. When your spouse leaves, so do most of your friends. They don't know what to say to you, and tend to feel like the need to walk on eggshells around you.
Many feel alienated from friends and family during this time. Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines alienation as "a withdrawing or separation of a person or a person's affections from a position of former attachment." In separation and divorce, you are not only alienated from your former mate, but also from relatives, friends and sometimes even the church.
A lot of friends leave for many reasons, but the most hurtful is because some of them secretly think that you were to blame for the failure of your marriage. I tell many of my friends all the time to watch what they tell people, because most don' t care and the rest just use it as the next topic at their weekly "gossip" sessions. And don't kid yourself... there are plenty a Christian man AND woman willing to talk behind your back and wonder what really went wrong. Pay those kind of friends no attention. Don't get me wrong though, there are many friends who ARE willing to lend a shoulder!!
Surround yourself with like minded people. Surround yourself with people who know what you are going through, because no one knows the kind of hurt, devastation and loss that comes along with a divorce. Surround yourself with family who want to help you, friends who want to help you. The kind of friends who edify you and kick your butt when you want to wallow in self pity.
I may have joked about the way my friend Ken pushes my buttons, but I know he does it because he cares, and he only wants me to make it through this to the joy at the other side. I am thankful for my friends and help fight the feelings of alienation and isolation by including them in my healing process. I pray that God sends you a wonderful group of friends to help you through this trying time!
Many blessings,
Pastor Dana-Renee
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