Elisabeth Kubler-Ross came up with the "Five Stages of Grief" while doing research for "On Death and Dying". We will be taking a brief overview of the five stages today and delve a bit deeper in upcoming blogs. While I do believe that it is important for most people to walk through all five stages of the grief process, there is no telling how long; and some may even say in what order; you will go through them. However, when you have the power of Christ in your life... it can be a whole other ball game. (In a good way, and I will get to this later... keep posted!!)
So what are the "Five Stages of Grief" that Kubler-Ross authored? Well... they are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally Acceptance. And as stated above, there is really no set amount of time that one should or should not spend time in. It is important to remember that every person and every situation is different, and no two people will experience the exact same emotions. Although many will be similar, especially in the area of separation and divorce.
Denial is not just the name of a river in Egypt, or so I have been told! I think that some may have different names for this stage, such as shock, disbelief, or disallowance of reality. Anyway you look at it however, it still can be summed up as denial, or failure to believe what is actually happening. This can be seen several different ways to the outside onlooker. Some see the subject as being non-sensical, delusional, out of touch with reality, but it really just comes down to a form of coping mechanism. Sometimes people don't know how to process grief, whether intentional or not most of us can't bear the pain of losing the love of someone we cared for deeply.
Many people think that divorce is just something that happens every day. Something that happens to an average of 40% of Canadians (71,000 people) per year as of 2012 (Feldstein Family Law Group). They figure since death is the ultimate goodbye in life, that somehow divorce can't possibly bring about the same type of emotions experienced in death. However, if that is what you are saying, you will have many who will disagree with you. It is quite often thought that divorce grief is even greater than that of death. The reality that your spouse no longer loves you and is moving on with life is a tough hill to climb. Most are too weary and not up for the challenge... some never reach the summit.
Being in a state of denial is a survival mechanism. We may mindlessly find ourselves going through the motions of our life, feeling numb during the process. It is a natural response to loss and it said to be natures way of helping us pace our feelings of grief. It is thought that by letting in a little at a time is the body's coping mechanism from keeping us from breaking down completely.
During this stage we may start to question the situation, our spouse, ourselves. What part did we play? How did this all come about? Why me? All of this questioning is unknowingly helping us begin the healing process, and as we do so it means that we are slowly moving out of the denial stage and into something completely different. While we are thinking a little more clearly, some of the things that we are thinking about can bring about an entirely new set of complications... anger management, or lack there of. Anger to say the least, and that my friends is a whole other bag of nuts.
I mentioned above that there are exceptions to every rule, and if you stay tuned in the following weeks and look for "My Story", I believe that you will see what the wonderful working power of the Lord can do in your life during this tumultuous time.
So what can you do today? How can you deal with these feelings today? Give them to God... surrender all of your hurt, your pain and your questions to God. Look to Him for your healing and in His wings you will find it (Mal.4:2). Take courage my friends... you really are on the way to an entirely new life, a better one!
That is my prayer for you this day. Blessings,
Pastor Dana-Renee
No comments:
Post a Comment