Circle of Friends

So, when going through the tough times in life, it's certainly a blessing to know that we have friends and family out there to lean on.  In my case, it's more friends as most of my family has not experienced divorce.  However, through such programs as DivorceCare and a few others, I have a great circle of friends that I would like to introduce you to.

The first is a gent I went to Bible College with.  He writes a blog on Divorce in a Face Book Age, and has posted a recent article interviewing hosts of a DivorceCare group.  The link to Dwayne's blog is: 
http://dwaynejamieson.com

Another really great friend of mine, Ken North has agreed to allow me to post something on his behalf.  I pray this blesses you all, and stay tuned, because Ken plans on creating his own blog some time soon!!

What, my marriage is over??   Thank you!

How fortunate we are in the western world to avoid pain.  No, not all of us have had that privilege in our lives, but for so many of us, pain is foreign.  Yet in most of the world, pain is a common occurrence.  Unfortunately we do ourselves a disservice running from pain.  It is so new to most of us that we use what ever emotional escapism to run the other way;  alcohol, drugs, sex, quick new relationships, relocating, suicide, and many others.  It is all escapism.  Fleshly emotional coping mechanisms rather that running to Christ.

Utter devastation best describes the place I was at when I discovered the woman I passionately loved chose to leave our marriage.  This past year and a half or so have dealt me pain like I have never experienced.  Lows that I never want to experienced again, and wouldn't wish on anyone.  Yet Jesus has blessed my with so much, one being this huge truth ... be thankful.  The night I discovered my marriage was over, I found myself pacing an empty parking lot in town with tears flowing like never before.  Yet deep in me I had been given this truth of thankfulness, and I verbally said "thank you Jesus" over and over again.  Did I feel thankful?  No.  But I was, and yet not understanding it at all.

Christ has brought me this crucial scripture.  Romans 8:28 which says "all things work for good for those who love Him"  Although some may find this amusing, the plain truth of the matter is I had the Oxford Dictionary on my beside table and on more than one occasion looked up the simple word 'all'.

Lets face it, there is not a lot of wiggle room in 'all'.  So, yes, 'all' included my personal pain through the act of my marriage collapsing.  So tell me,  how can I possibly answer you upon the so often asked question "how are you doing?"    The plain fact of anyone walking in Jesus, is that we are doing 'good', if not great.  That is the absolute truth.  I am not responding to my emotions, because quite frankly I 'feel' tough.  Some hours more tough than words can describe. But that does not deny the truth that I am doing good.  Why?  Because 'all things work for good for those who love Christ".  And I do,  I do love Christ, and therefore my marital collapse to the woman I loved so much, is working for good! Christ IS my life, and I live from that.  Am I not being real by telling you that I am going great?  Absolutely not!  The fact is, my emotions DO NOT give me my identity, they are just how I respond  to what is going in my head.  Christ is my identity, first and for most.

There are two very important lies which must be pointed out.  First of all, divorce is not something God wants, actually the very opposite.  He hates it. But Romans 8:28 does not say 'all things are good', no, it clearly says 'all things work for good'.  My heavenly father did not orchestrate this divorce, this is a result of sin, mine and hers.  We both are accountable.  But just because God did not orchestrate this does not deny that he won't use this tragedy for His glory and for His Grace.

Secondly, and this lie is deceptive.  So many have said to me how great it is that I can see some good come out of this.  Quite frankly that is a load of ... you know what.  Why?  Because if I buy into the lie that there is something good that comes out of this then the converse of this is that there is also much bad that comes out of this.  Let's look at Romans 8:28. 'all things work for good, ...."  The plain fact is that my divorce is working for good, period.  I accept my pain, I accept how crazy hard my life is, but I will never ever deny my Christ and the plain fact that through all these emotions, my divorce is working for good, for I love Christ.  But what about my kids??  Look at all the things they are hurt by and will forever bear the emotional scar in their lives of our separating ways.  Yes this is true, but it is not a bad thing.  Absolutely not., because they too know Christ and love Him,  therefore this divorce of their parents is working for good in their lives as well.  It just doesn't 'feel' good to look at it this way.  But I am not talking about how we feel about this, only about the facts that our Father teaches us.

On another note I have been told it is great that I look at this part of my life with the glass half full, or that it is great that I am so positive, or that I am taking the high road.  Again the cold truth of the matter is that all those statements are not of Jesus.  All those statements place the responsibility on me, that there is something that I am doing.  The only thing that I am doing is 'abiding' in Christ, and responding to His Grace. The fact of the matter is that I am in Jesus and He is in me, and I am only looking at my life through the Holy Spirit.  This is His strength, and His love that is seen by others regardless of how they word it.

We celebrate birthdays, we celebrate graduations, we celebrate anniversaries, all the outward seemingly 'good' things in life, but we don't celebrate the hardship we experience.  I think we have this all wrong.  Why not celebrate it.  The day my separation agreement was finalised I shed many a tear.  But I also went out grabbed a couple of coffees and, although maybe surprising to some, bought some cake.  I hung out with my buddy Mike and celebrated by eating cake.  Did it feel like a celebration?  Of course not, but how could I possibly not say 'thank you' to Christ for this occasion, after all He was working this for good.

As I leave you contemplating what Christ has shown me, let me leave you with another powerful verse.  First Thessalonians 5:16 tells us to "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."  I'm sorry, what was that word again?   Yes, reads 'all', ans in all circumstances.

Ephesians 5:20  Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-9  Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

So having a great circle of friends is a must during this trying time.  People who know what you are going through and who can be there to lend an ear is a tremendous blessing.  Even though you may feel like shutting people out at this time... please don't.  Friends and family can be your greatest joy during this time of sorrow!  Blessings to you all and stay tuned for my next posting.

Pastor Dana-Renee