Did that really just happen?

So your spouse just informed you that they are leaving and/or they want a divorce.  What now?  Did that really just happen?  I had no clue!  What do I do know?  What's going to happen to me?

Sound familiar?  Words I asked or said to myself a dozen times during the moments that those words were spouting out of my husbands mouth.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  In a flash my world had gone from perfect to pointless.  Or so it seemed at the time.

There are times in life we can never prepare ourselves for and this is one of those times.  Whether you knew something was coming, or it hit you sideways like a Mack Truck... the pain is the same none the less.  There is no greater pain than losing someone you love.  Feelings of anxiety, anger, depression, disbelief, fear and doubt are just a few that you will use to describe the situation over the next couple of months, while trying to figure out where it all went wrong.  BUT, let me stop you right there.  While I do feel that we must go through the stages of grieving to fully heal from this kind of loss, we must not let our emotions take over.

A friend of mine always tells me not to trust my "feelings" and no I don't mean my gut feelings, but rather my emotions.  Yes we are to grieve when we lose someone we loved so dearly... but only for a time.  We have to mentally choose to take the "higher road" so to speak when the enemy tries to fill our  minds with lies.  And believe you me, he will try his hardest to destroy you during this time.  He has you just where he wants you.  However, we have a God who is bigger, better and brighter than that of the peon Satan.

For those of you who know renowned Christian author/speaker Joyce Meyer, a book you must make yourself read is "The Battlefield of the Mind".  We have to consciously decide to take captive of our thoughts and ask Christ to transform our mind to His likeness.  In her book Joyce teaches how to deal with the thousands of thoughts that people think every day, and instead teaches us how to focus on the way God thinks.   It's a powerful lesson in renewing our minds... but it takes some getting used to.  It is human nature to automatically focus on the negative first... why is that?  With Christ living within us, we have the power to overcome anything.  With God all things are possible, and while it may not seem so right now, this too shall pass.

So did that really just happen?  Yes my lovely brothers and sisters, it happens every day.  Instead of looking for the why, or a person to blame, look to Christ and the life changing power that He alone holds.  Don't blame yourself for something you "might" have contributed to the failing of the marriage, as that is now in the past, all you can do now is move forward.  The reality is no one likes divorce, and I am sure that it absolutely breaks the heart of God.  However, it has happened and it's now your reality.

Although there seems to be no peace in your life at the moment, invite Christ in and allow Him to heal the hurts of your heart.  Stand up and face this new journey in your life for what it is... a new journey.  Allow the God of peace and love flood your spirit with His presence, you will become a new creation.  And you might just ask yourself... "Did that just really happen?"

Has Anger Got You Seeing Red??

So you think you are over it (the separation, the divorce and/or the ex) when out of the blue (or should I say red) anger rears its ugly head.  You are mad, frustrated and undoubtedly upset.  You are not alone, I sometimes find myself there as well.  Some of the time I am not even sure what I am really upset about.  However, the anger rises up like a Phoenix, wanting to just break free from the thoughts in my mind, transforming itself into words actually coming out of my mouth.  I have to take my thoughts captive and lay them before the Lord if I plan on making it through the day without biting someones head off.  I have peace only after I have stopped and taken the time to ask the Lord to help me make it through those moments,

Taking captive of your thoughts isn't always as easy as it sounds.  I mean don't we have the right to be upset?  To be angry that our happily ever after isn't forever after all?  Shouldn't we be allowed to be angry and hurt and wallow in our own self pity?  Well my first answer to you is yes... but only for a time.  We all know Kubler-Ross' 5 stages of grief, Anger being one of them.  To fully and completely heal, I believe we must go through each of those stages.  Though our sorrow may last for the night, His joy comes in the morning!!  And praise His name for it!

When we allow ourselves to focus on the things that we "did wrong" or "didn't" do to make our marriage work, we can drive ourselves crazy.  In some cases, as in mine, there was nothing I could do or say to make my husband stay.  If someone doesn't love you enough to stick around, there is nothing you can do or say that can ever make them change their mind.  In most cases they have already made up their mind.  When we allow ourselves to focus on the bad that has gone on in our lives, it is no wonder we are angry.  We are angry at the world, at ourselves, our friends and yes... even God.  How could He allow this to happen?

Anger is a tricky beast because it can cause so many emotions within us that sometimes we didn't even know existed.  We think differently when we are angry, we act differently and even say things we wouldn't normally  say when we allow anger to take over.  And if any of you are like me, you end up feeling guilty afterwards for feeling that way in the first place.  It can set you on a spin cycle of depression.

Have you really sat down and faced the anger within you?  Have you asked yourself what is really going on deeper inside?  Have you talked to God about this?  Have you brought this situation before Him and laid them at His feet?  If you do, you will not regret it.  Cast your cares upon Him, for He careth for you!!  My prayer for each of you is this... it may sound so cliche, but here goes... Learn to let go, and let God!

Pastor Dana-Renee

What is Love??

So it's that time of year again... Valentine's Day.  Ugghh!  Chocolates, roses, romance and diamonds.  We are rarely reminded as blatantly as we are on Valentine's that we are utterly alone.  It's commercialism at its best.  We are taught from childhood that the size of your gift on Valentine's determines how much your spouse really loves you.  Isn't that right ladies?  Lol.  Well pooey on that...is all I have to say ... well maybe I have a bit more to say.  Lol.  

Coined as the most romantic day of the year it goes without saying that it truly must be... lol.  Many this Valentine's Day will spend it depressed and alone.  Heart broken that they have no one special to share it with.  Pull  up your socks friends... it's only a day, and only a small 24 hour window out of a year filled with other even more memorable days.

According to the association for single people (is there really an association for this stuff??... Lol) 82 million people are unmarried as of 2010 in the USA. In Canada our 2006 census noted that since the first time since 1871 single family homes outnumbered wedded ones.  That's 51.5% of Canadian homes considered to be single family.  So if you think you are all alone this Valentine's... you aren't the only ones.

If you are looking, there are many sites out there offering tips to help you get through this holiday without too much bruising to that little heart of yours.  Many tout tips to help you "survive" the day, and others will claim to help you speedily get over your ex by following a few simple steps.  This article however, is not one of those sites.

Sure I can tell you to send flowers to your office from yourself, or should I say "secret admirer"?  Take a spa day, a bubble bath, or pin your ex's photo to a dart board.  Take your pick.  They won't get to the root of the problem.  When was the last time you perused the pages of 1 Corinthians 13?  You are pining for love, but do you even really know what love is?  Let's take a look.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails" (v. 4-7).  

Wow, now that is a couple of verses packed with some punch!  Read them again and let each of the words sink deep into your heart and soul.  Love is from God, it is honest and pure.  It can be about agape (sacrificial love), phileo (brotherly love) or eros (passionate love).  Which ever one you are talking about, they all come from our Heavenly Father.

Verse 13 goes on to say that "and now these three remain; faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love".  

Ephesians 4:2 "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient bearing with one another in love"... "husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church" (v. 5:25).

1 John 3:16-18  "This is how we know what love is:  Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.  And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.  If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity in him, how can the love of God be in him?  Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and truth."

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him shall have eternal life".

Are we capable of loving another as Christ has asked us to love?  Do we love our neighbours as much as we love ourselves?  Can we love our spouse as Christ loved the church that He died for her?  Perhaps these are some of the questions we should be asking ourselves this Valentine's Day instead of "Dear God, why am I still feeling so heart broken and alone?"

Realize that Valentine's Day is just that... a day, just like any other.  Just because you might be spending it without that special someone, it in no way diminishes who you are as a person or makes you any less desirable.  You must first be comfortable in your own skin and accept yourself for who you are all by yourself.  Learn to love yourself... it's one of the greatest loves of all.  However, as long as you have the Love of your Heavenly Father, you will never be truly alone.