Guess who's coming to dinner? Loneliness...

Guess who's coming to dinner?  Loneliness... and if you don't keep an eye on him, he just might steal your joy!  

Has the holiday season got you down?  Is it your first Christmas since the separation/divorce?  Or have you weathered a few years just to have this particular holidays season rear it's head to bite you in the behind??  Whether it's your first holiday alone or not... in this blog I hope to share some hints to help you survive this season without pulling out your hair... at least not all of it!!

Christmas has always been a time of great joy in my family.  Times of laughter and love filled in with the miracle birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  It's a time of celebrating life with family and friends and it's meant to celebrate it with others.  However, this year you may find yourself in a new life situation.  Whether you are a parent or not, this time of year can be one of the hardest you will have to face all year.  Parties, songs and Christmas movies only serve as a reminder of how terribly alone you are... or better yet, how alone you feel.  For with Christ, you are never truly alone... but I know what you are going through.  Commercial Christmas has us buying into the dream that there is peace on earth and good will toward men... and that all of the holiday movies finish with that proverbial happy ending.  Life isn't always that simple however, and more often than not, it doesn't end up at all like we had hoped or planned for.  Having said that, it does not mean however that God does not have a sovereign plan at hand.  We just may not be aware of it while focusing on our own pain.

Feelings of depression and loneliness are commonplace this time of year.  Whether it be Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), or just plain old loneliness... the pain that can resonate within is heart wrenching none the less.  Most of us are used to spending the holidays with loved ones, and for those of you who have been married, spending the last number of years with your loving spouse at Christmas may have been some of the happiest times of your life.  So how do you move on?  How do you start new traditions? How do you stop the pain?

I wish I had an easy fix for each and everyone of you who are dealing with the pain of searing loss this holiday season.  I do not.  However, I do have some tips and tricks that might make surviving the holidays a little bit easier.

1)  Make sure you decorate.  This may sound simple, but it's true.  I know first hand what it is like to experience your first holiday soon after a loved one has left, and with the shock still sinking in and in the process of a move, I thought it might just be easier to let the entire holiday season slide and remember it another year.  This only caused a putting off of the inevitable and halted the healing process from continuing.  You see, we all face markers in our life that point to certain stages of growth and moving forward that if we don't work through, can cause set backs in the area that we desire most to move ahead in.

Although I am not asking you to get caught up in the commercial hype of the holidays, I am suggesting that you make sure to recognise the miraculous gift that God gave us in His Son, Christ Jesus.  While you may have no other earthly person to share a gift with this season, you will always have a bounty of gifts from our Heavenly Father.  He is the giver of the greatest gifts and I can assure you that if you allow Him to bless you this holiday season, He will.

2) Have a holly jolly Christmas... and take every single person up on their party invitation.  Right now you may feel as though you just want to curl up in a ball and die, but to you I say arise and put on your garments of praise!  Get out there and share the holidays with family and friends... celebrating the many joys of the season may seem bitter sweet at first, I can assure you, you will be happy that you put on your dancing shoes... so to speak.

The mere action of getting out there and putting yourself in mixed company doesn't mean that you have accepted defeat or are just accepting offerings of sympathies from your friends.  It means that you have been invited out for a reason... your worth as a human being is being validated by the very invitations that you receive.  Having said that though, just because you might not receive invitations to parties, doesn't mean that you aren't still thought of.  Attending your churches banquet, or works Christmas party is just as important.  You are surrounding yourself with people who love you, and that can be one of the most important support systems you will ever encounter.

3)  Start new holiday traditions.  Perhaps you and your loved ones shared a special moment on Christmas Eve, or spent time in getting things ready for the children.   This year you find yourself not wanting to revisiting those traditions as they may evoke feelings of sadness or regret of memories passed.  However, it is healthy to start new holiday traditions for your own peace of mind as well as helping you move on.  This is incredibly important if you do have children.  They will be the first to notice when past traditions are not being followed and will miss out on tremendous blessings if these voids are not filled.  So be sure to look up Holiday Traditions on line if you are not sure of how to come up with a few new ones of your own.  I am sure that you will find a plethora of ideas out there for someone with an open heart, willing to try something new.

4)  Keeping an old family tradition.  Contrary to popular belief... it is ok to keep a family tradition or two from your past relationship.  Whether it is to help yourself, or your child through... whatever the reason that is not that matter.  The matter is that some things are special and whether or not you or your spouse invented the idea, it still may be a great idea and both you and your kids might benefit from the familiarity of it all.

5)  Spend time with your Heavenly Father.  Just like an earthly father would desire the best for his child, just think how much more our Heavenly Father desires even more for you.  Talk with Him, spend time with Him, share with Him the longings of your heart.  Tell Him your secret Christmas wish list and just watch Him surprise you this holiday season.  

Here's to you, the newly single person on this most beautiful of holiday seasons.  I pray God's richest blessing in your life as you experience the miraculous birth of Jesus, and the gift of His saving grace.  After all, Jesus is the reason for the season!